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Painwatch™ Bindivers™ Meatbin Cooking Report

This satirical report was written in September of  '19 following an interesting night of "Bin diving", where we prowl our local supermarkets in search of cheap deals from discount bins. There are several in-jokes due to the small intended audience, but I thought it'd be funny enough by itself to share here. 

   Today's menu for dinner consisted of:

• Entree - 75% discounted beef & carrot chipolatas, served with Coles "Squeezy" Tomato Sauce (500ml),
• Main - a kalamaki consisting of 80% discounted mint & honey lamb kebabs with a side of scorched onion,
• And to clean it all off - 80% discounted souvlaki (98% fat free) in beef&lamb gravy.

All ingredients together, excl. onion

    Above is an image of all ingredients used with the exception of the onion.

    We sourced these exquisite ingredients from the Upper Mount Gravatt Woolworths Meatbin and other bins, with the exception of the Coles "Squeezy" Tomato Sauce (500ml) and souvlaki which was sourced from [Competitor name redacted]. Only the finest bindiving and the best deals were taken for this meal.

    And this leads us to the actual cooking!

Hard work preparing the meal!

    Cooking the chipolatas was difficult as the barbeque heat was extremely high. The sausages stuck almost immediately to the plate when the oil was insufficient, leading to an extremely oily dish in the end due to overcompensation. The onions were also victim to the high temperatures, some becoming stuck without even beginning to caramelise.

    However, we later learned from our mistakes above -- the kebabs turned out excellently and had just the right degree of inner and outer texture. This was all thanks to the placement of the kebabs on the sides rather than the middle of the cooking plate.

    One cooked, we plated them up...

Plated and ready for tasting.

    The taste was surprising. Surprising in that the chipolatas and kebabs both tasted of industrial bleach solution. We really should have cleaned the cooking surface properly before using it instead of a quick wipe. Coles "Squeezy" Tomato Sauce (500ml) was able to cover the bleach easily.

    The onion was great, the strong taste masking the otherwise soapy-bleach flavour of the BBQ. However, chunks of charred meat were mixed in with the onion, causing difficulties during chewing.

    Overall, it was a satisfactory dinner, though lacking in fibre and high on oils. Now, onto the cleanup.

Cleanup... with souvlaki!

    We did say that "to clean it all off" we would be using the 80% discounted, 98% fat free souvlaki. And use it we did. It was greatly effective both in the beginning stages of cleanup and near the end for soaking and wiping down the oily residue. While pieces often broke off, it was excellent for us to save on water and towels which would have been used otherwise. 

    The MVP tools of cleaning this meal were the wood skewers from the kebabs. Their hard holding surfaces were extremely potent in removing hardy grime from the BBQ plate. We highly recommend this approach for your future BBQ cleaning.

Souvlaki works as a good towel alternative.

    And that's that! All in all a great Painwatch™ Bindivers™ Meatbin Cook tonight.
See you all next time!

Welcome

Welcome all!

I’m simply a developer finding a way through his twenties. I love everything tech and designing for an audience. Here, you will find interesting tidbits, comedy and honest reviews of the things I love. I’m here to consolidate and share my thoughts with others who may benefit from it.

Expect my posts to be quite rough, as all first tries should be. 

Kindest regards to you all,

Ben